


Learning to Fly

by Moontyger



Category: Death Note
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-18
Updated: 2006-03-18
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:32:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moontyger/pseuds/Moontyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The whole thing began strangely and got even stranger.  Raito had no idea why it started and honestly, the whole progression from point a to point b seemed a little fuzzy, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Learning to Fly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nickel_curry](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=nickel_curry).



  
The whole thing began strangely and got even stranger. Raito had no idea why it started and honestly, the whole progression from point a to point b seemed a little fuzzy, too. What he _did_ know was that it had all started when they were going to visit Misa. They being he and L, of course. Since they were chained together, they naturally went on "dates" with Misa together. Truthfully, he didn't mind it and maybe even preferred it, although he wouldn't admit as much and Misa hated it. At least with L there he got some decent conversation and she wouldn't pester him as much for obvious signs of affection. While her utter devotion made her useful, Raito really couldn't stand her and was glad when she was working and too busy to see him much. L was much better company.

Anyway, so they were going to see Misa in the headquarters building of the Kira investigation. Suddenly, with no warning at all, he felt a hand in his. When he turned to look, in shock, he saw it was as he had thought: Ryuuzaki had for some reason taken his hand as they walked. He wasn't even looking at Raito, just walking casually holding his hand, as though this were a normal, everyday occurrence.

Even more strange was the fact that, once he got over the sheer surprise at it happening at all, he really didn't mind. In fact, he almost liked it. Ryuga's hand was warm and his grip was stronger than one might expect, at least stronger than he would have thought had he not played against him in tennis. But it was more than that. He should hate being touched by him, he really should and yet... he didn't. Strange.

He should have asked L what he was doing and why. He meant to, but by the time he was done thinking about it and was ready to ask, they were at Misa's door. He knocked; L dropped his hand and it was as if it had never happened. Just a hallucination on his part, although a pretty unusual one. Surely it wasn't wishful thinking? No, of course not. Living in such close quarters with someone else was clearly affecting his mind.

But he wondered. The whole time they were there, pretending to listen to Misa, he wondered about it. Did it happen? Why? Why did he like it? He kept sneaking looks at Ryuga, trying to read him and guess what he was thinking. Not that he could. L was weird, unique; he'd never met anyone like him, which made him nearly impossible to read. Instead he found himself looking at him differently, noticing things he hadn't before. It was disconcerting and unexpected and he didn't like it. Raito preferred things to be neat and routine; the unexpected was dangerous. _L_ was dangerous, even if he couldn't say exactly how or why. He felt it instinctively.

But maybe, just maybe, L was attractive, too? Surely not. And yet... he had such clear, pale skin, almost translucent. He had regarded it with contempt at the beginning: a sure sign that this man never got out, just more proof of his abnormality. But it was also almost beautiful in its unusualness. And those huge dark eyes, that looked even darker due to the dark rings around them. Eyes that hid what he was thinking and what he was feeling, mirrors rather than windows to the soul.

Not that Raito was altogether certain what he himself thought and felt some of the time. Ryuga believed he was Kira and sometimes he believed it himself. Yet how could that be? How could he forget a thing like that, especially when Kira must kill consciously? Nor would he do something like that; he wasn't a mass murderer. Was he? Sure, he sometimes thought the world would be better off without certain people, but that didn't mean he'd actually kill them. It was disturbing to spend all his time physically chained to someone who believed him to be a monster, believed it with such sincerity and intensity that he doubted himself.

Raito wanted to be innocent. He wanted to prove his innocence, but he didn't know how. And inside, well, he tried not to, but he kept wondering if it weren't true. L was a genius detective; if he believed Raito was Kira, maybe he was correct. And he had some strangely vague memories of past events. Such as why he was dating Misa in the first place. Sure, she was cute and she seemed crazy about him, but she also drove him nuts. Why would he date a girl like this? But if he really were Kira and she the second Kira, it made more sense. The implications were disturbing and he tried not to think about it.

The whole time they were there, he hardly noticed Misa at all. He was too busy trying to figure out Ryuuzaki and his own feelings about him. Misa noticed, but luckily decided he was merely self-conscious about having him there during their date. He listened to her complain once again about how unfair it was that her Raito should be restrained in this manner, treated as a criminal unable even to date her normally, when she knew he was innocent. Raito wished he felt as certain about his innocence as she. Hell, he wished he felt as certain about the whole situation as Misa did. What if it really were only this chain preventing him from killing? What should he do then?

Well, he didn't know and there wasn't much he could do other than continue with what he was doing: helping Ryuuzaki with the Kira investigation. If they caught Kira, then it couldn't be him, right? At least if it were the original...

This time, when Misa noticed his distraction, he could honestly say he'd been worried about the case. She seemed disappointed, but it also seemed an excuse she would accept. Further, it gave them an excuse to leave. If he couldn't pay attention to her because he was thinking about work, he might as well go do it and get it over with.

"I just know you'll solve it soon! You're so smart there's no way anyone could escape you!" Misa said in her usual annoyingly perky manner. She drove him crazy; he could barely stand to be around her. But he kissed her before he left anyway. He had to be dating her for _some_ reason and even if he couldn't recall it at the moment, he probably shouldn't neglect her so much that she left him. Not until he knew if he could afford that. Perhaps she would be of use to the investigation yet.

Once the door shut behind him, though, he forgot about Misa. He rarely thought about her when she was not present, but this was more than that. Freed of other distractions, he turned his attention back to Ryuga. For the first time, he wondered what he thought when he watched Raito kiss Misa. He didn't appear to have a girlfriend of his own, but then he supposed that would be difficult when you refused to reveal your name or history. Was he jealous? He had claimed to be a fan of hers... But then again, he had also encouraged Raito to use her to aid in the search for Kira. Surely he wouldn't have suggested such a thing if he were interested in her for himself. Or maybe he would. Raito had no idea if L really cared about anyone at all; maybe he only saw them as tools to manipulate.

He watched L walk and felt a surprising urge to reach for his hand, to hold it again, see if it felt the same way. Why did he feel like this? He used to only notice how awkwardly L walked and feel contempt at it. Now he wondered why he walked like that, sat like that. Was it deliberate, some sort of "eccentric genius" act?

Well, he'd never know if he didn't try and it wasn't like him to be shy. So he did it: he reached out and took L's hand in his. He didn't resist or act surprised. Under other circumstances, that might have annoyed Raito, as it suggested he was predictable, but right now he was rather glad of it. This was awkward enough as it was. At least in some senses it was. In other ways, it felt comfortable, natural, perhaps even comforting. Not that he liked to admit he needed comfort, but considering his doubts about himself, was it any wonder that he might? It wasn't very comfortable to admit that he might be a serial killer through some method he didn't even understand, much less recall. And yet... well, he didn't calculate percentages like Ryuuzaki did; it just wasn't how he worked, but it still sometimes seemed to him far too possible that he was (had been) Kira. He wanted to catch Kira not only to prove his innocence to L and to his father, but to prove it to himself. And he did want to be innocent, right? God, why couldn't he stop thinking about this?

He dropped L's hand at the door to their suite and muttered something about taking a shower. Maybe the hot water would calm him down, clear his head. Make him stop wondering if he were a killer; make him stop thinking about why he wanted to touch the detective, why he liked it when touching Misa was merely a duty.

The chain made actual bathing too awkward, but showering worked well enough. It would probably make more sense to shower together, but neither of them had felt comfortable enough to do that yet. So L politely turned away while Raito undressed and got in the shower, pretending he couldn't see or didn't notice the boy chained to him.

The shower felt good, but he was awkward and aware of his nakedness in a way he hadn't been since this started. He had thought he had gotten used to it, but now things were different and he felt shy again. He couldn't help wondering what Ryuuzaki thought about while he was showering. He wasn't the type to not be thinking anything, after all. He probably resented being kept here, where he couldn't easily work and just had to wait. But whose fault was that, after all? He was the one who had come up with this bizarre plan!

He snuck a peek at him and was startled to see dark eyes meet his. Was he _watching_ him? Raito didn't think he'd ever done _that_ before. At least he'd never caught him at it if he had. He felt embarrassed but it was too late to pretend he hadn't seen him watching; they both knew better. Preferring to be bold rather than to simply turn away and let L win by unnerving him, he turned towards him, instead. "If you're going to watch, you might as well join me."

Ryuuzaki's eyes widened, but then he nodded and started to remove his own clothing. Shit. He hadn't really expected him to take him up on it. What now? And he'd never really looked at L naked before (he wasn't a fucking voyeur, unlike L apparently, and had respected his privacy) and now he was staring at him removing his pants, noticing that he had a really great ass and that smooth, white skin and oh God, now he was aroused, why was he aroused, and he wouldn't be able to hide it...

His thoughts were cut off as L climbed in the shower with him and kissed him, pressing him back against the wall. The tile was cold against his bare skin and L's mouth was so hot and he was kissing him like he had been starving for him, wanting to do this for weeks now, and he had finally lost control. And Raito would feel contempt at that or maybe superior because L seemed to want him so much, except that he was kissing him back just as hungrily. Had he gone crazy? He had never even _thought_ about L this way before today; he'd swear he hadn't and yet right now he felt as if he'd never get enough. Ryuuzaki's skin felt as good as it looked, warm and wet and soft and his body was pressed tightly to him so he could feel the shape of it, wiry muscle over bone.

He felt a hand on his cock, and knew he should tell him to stop, but he couldn't say it; all that escaped his lips was a moan as L stroked him and bit his neck, hard enough that it would probably leave a mark, and yet he couldn't bring himself to care. All he wanted was _more_. He slid his hands over the ass he had been admiring, over and between L's legs, wanting to feel, to touch, desperately. L moaned, his breathing ragged, and the sound made him even harder, if that were possible. He wanted this _so much_ and he had no idea where this sudden desire was even coming from but he didn't want to fight it, not when Ryuga seemed to share it.

Wet fingers inside him and Raito wanted to protest, say he didn't want this, not like _this_, but it would be a lie and he wanted it too much to lie, even if he found his own desire humiliating. He whimpered instead, in need and confusion, and there was understanding and maybe even sympathy mingled with lust in L's huge dark eyes, even darker now, so deep he could drown in them.

"Soon," L whispered, scissoring his fingers inside him. He couldn't pretend he didn't know what he meant and he was almost afraid, although he wouldn't say it. Better to admit his own desire, to admit he wanted Ryuuzaki inside of him, fucking him, than to confess to his fear of the vulnerability implied in it. Though he'd do either, say almost anything, as long as L didn't stop.

"Please," he breathed, hating himself for saying it, but saying it anyway. "I want..." But he couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't bring himself to say that he wanted Ryuuzaki, wanted _L_, his rival, his equal. Not yet, at least.

L didn't make him say it and Raito didn't resist when he turned him around, pressing him into the wall again. He gasped at the sensation when L entered him in one smooth stroke, almost painful and yet also _good_, like nothing he had ever felt. The pain faded as he kept going, thrusting into him carefully but with an edge that suggested the care wouldn't remain for long, drowned in pleasure. Raito was moaning, moving his hips encouragingly, wanting this far more than he would have thought possible. How had he never known he wanted this, _needed_ this? He had never felt this way with anyone else and he didn't understand why this should be so different.

Ryuuzaki wrapped an arm around his waist and stroked him and he couldn't help but moan. It was hot and fast and awkward and the best he'd ever had. "L," he cried out as he came and his cry echoed, amplified by the acoustics of such a small, mostly enclosed space. L's moan at his own orgasm was wordless, nameless, and he wondered if that should bother him.

Afterwards, the water washed away the immediate physical evidence. They dried off together for the first time and dressed in silence. Raito kept sneaking peeks at L, but he couldn't tell what he was thinking. The eyes he could read so easily before were now opaque, hidden, and his face was his habitual blank. What was he feeling? Did L regret it now? For that matter, did he?

Still feeling shuddery aftershocks of pleasure, he thought he didn't. Strange, he would have expected to. He wondered if they would do it again and if so, how soon. He wanted to do it again, although he didn't say it. Not yet.

They left the bathroom together, still chained. Outwardly, nothing had changed. But inside, everything was different, and it wasn't just the vague lingering physical rawness. They couldn't go back to the way things had been, could they?

"L," he said at last, when he couldn't stand the silence any longer. "What... was that?"

Ryuuzaki turned to look at him, staring into his eyes and studying his expression intently. Raito wondered what he saw. His expression was serious as he finally answered. "Learning to fly," he said, and pulled him into a kiss.


End file.
